So why "SUBVERSIVE ELEPHANT" you ask? Some time after my ex-husband left I was telling my Mother that he regarded me as a bad influence on our children. In perhaps THE most revealing Freudian slip of my life I declared, "He thinks I'm a subversive elephant"

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

That WAS a week, that was!!

I can't think where the time goes!

Lots has happened. We spent a couple of days helping Beth do up the bathroom in her house. It had a very yukky old carpeted floor and brown plastic accessories, so it now looks a lot better with chrome bits and a vinyl floor - MUCH better for small boys!

Said small boy was abducted and taken over to the Isle of Wight by his uncle and aunt. He has come back very brown and slightly bruised where he fell out of a tree, but he had a wonderful time, most of it spent on the beach. Nick and Dena spent the rest of the week restoring their energy levels!! They spent last Saturday night here, and we went out on the Saturday evening for Nick's birthday. Can I have a son who is now 36?? Apparently I can!

The previous Saturday was Phoebe's end of year presentation at her ballet school so I went with Amanda to watch. I admire Yasmin, who owns the school. She gets every child up on stage, no matter their ability, and they all give their very best. Some of the older girls are very good. It is so strange seeing the contrast between the on-stage poised young dancer, and the off-stage kid having a laugh with her mates.

Phoebe is here overnight as it is my turn to child-mind tomorrow. She is shattered as she has been up since 6am. She was lucky enough to be one of 100 children to participate in a workshop on Saturday to chose 25 to perform at the launch of London Theatre Kids Week. Phoebe was good enough to be one of the 25, so she had to be in London at 9.30 this morning to rehearse, later performing on the stage of the Prince of Wales theatre in the West End with the cast of "Mamma Mia" The launch was broadcast on TV in London, but of course, none of us will ever see it!!

I spent Sunday at a crop in Berkshire. Yes, it is a bit of a long way to go, but it is run by my UKS team leader, MJ, and most of my fellow Scrapettes were there. Anyway, it's not half as far as it is for the lovely Linda, who took me there and back. It takes her an hour to get to me, and another hour to the crop, bless her. I had a fab day, and I actually did a whole layout, which is unheard of for me, coz I am usually too busy gassing.

What else? Oh yes, the cat has had to go to the vet. He has a growth in his stomach which has to be removed. Bit scary as he is 17, which makes him around 82 in cat years. The vet seems sure he can sort him out. Apparently all his blood tests came back showing him to be in remarkable shape for a mog his age. Anyone care to guess how much he is going to cost us THIS time? His sister has also turned up. She has been missing for about six weeks and we had really given her up for lost. She is totally deaf, and totally daft, so we thought a car might have hit her, but there she was, scruffy, grubby, and hungry. She ate everything in sight and disappeared again. She IS a floozie, so she probably has several other homes.

I also had a visit from a friend who now lives in the States. She has been gone 12 years and is one of the few people who never forgets my second daughter. We have exchanged cards and letters over the years and it was really great to see her. She did admit to finding the heat oppressive - and she comes from California!!

So there we are. A week and a bit in the life of someone who never does anything. . .!!

Friday, July 14, 2006

Whale watching in suburbia

Had my scan yesterday, so today I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself coz I am left with post-scan queasiness. Lasts about two days, and then I'm back to normal - or what passes for normal round here. They have a new scanner. (Just as well really, as the old one is broken!) They are very protective of their new scanner, and don't want to break it, so how much do I weigh?? Now, I don't know. I don't weigh myself on principle, because I think it is far too depressing. I was right! It is depressing. They weighed me. Since August 2004 when I had the nephrectomy I have GAINED over six stone. Now how is that possible? I have cancer, for heavens sake. ADVANCED METASTATIC cancer!! Possibly, no PROBABLY, incurable cancer. Now I KNOW I am a bit of a fraud, because, despite the scary diagnosis, and the VERY scary prognosis, I actually feel fine. HONESTLY. I have had no symptoms of this disease, so it is very easy to ignore it and just get on with life. There really isn't anything brave or praiseworthy about it, coz I really can just push it out of my mind, and it doesn't jump up and bite me on the bum. However, I DO NOT expect to GAIN WEIGHT!!!! There is no jolly justice is there?

I also have my own personal soap-box about the way obesity is being treated. It's an epidemic, we're told. It's a serious problem. And yet, if you ask a health professional for help you get virtually nothing. Because it's your own fault. If you weren't weak-willed and lazy and stuffing your face 24/7 you'd be slim and energetic. OH YEAH! My contention is that eating disorders should be given the same level of funding as alcoholism and drug addiction. I also believe there is ONE fundamental difference between food addicts and other addiction. Hard as it may be, anyone addicted to one substance, or one set of substances, can chose NEVER to use them again. Food addicts still have to eat. EVERY DAY. More than once. What do you imagine the recovery rate for alcoholism would be if every alcoholic in recovery were forced to have one drink a day? Just one, no more, no less. Oh, and to add insult to injury, that drink must be your LEAST FAVOURITE form of alcohol. That's what food addicts have to do. Every day. You HAVE to eat. You HAVE to eat stuff you don't like much. EVERY DAY! FOREVER!! And they wonder why it doesn't work!!

And why, if I really want to buck the odds, and try to lose weight, do I have to PAY to go to Weight Watchers or Slimming World? Why does my local Health Centre (5 practices under one roof) not have an obesity clinic? Can you imagine the outcry if there were organisations preying on alcoholics and drug abusers and turning their rehabilitation into a multi-million dollar "industry"? Yet we fatties are EXPECTED to become part of that exploitation. GRRRRR!

And Jan falls through the top of her soap-box, crushing it to matchwood

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

TAGGED!

by MJ

1. How old are you? 59
2. How many kids do you have if any? 4 originally, 3 now plus two grandchildren.
3. Are you married, single, divorced, widow,? Married to second husband, but first love! (aaaaah)
4. What is your occupation? Retired
5. What are your passions? Family, Books, Internet, Scrapping
6. Are you a dreamer or a dream seeker? Dreamer - too lazy to be an dream seeker
7. Are you happy with the way you life has turned out? NO! I am NEVER satisfied with my life, but that is because I am never satisfied with MYSELF
8. Are you a scrapper and if so how many hours a week do you scrap? Yes, but not enough, given that I have no job. Easily distracted by almost anything
9. What do you want to do before you die? LIVE!! I was told I had only 18 months nearly two years ago, so I am just taking each day as it comes!
10. What is your favorite food? Sushi - Chocolate isn't food. It's more important than that!
11. What is the food you hate the most? Tomatoes and olives
12. What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you? Telling my dick-head ex-husband off at our son's wedding - and then catching his wife's eye. I had to apologise to her. Bless her, she agreed with me. She is FAR too good for him.
13. What is the happiest day of your life thus far? Marrying Alan. Second time around for both of us. It was my parents' Golden Wedding Anniversary, and my eldest daughter came back from a year in Costa Rica specially the day before.
14. Are you a neat freak? FAR from it! My father once described my house as "Comfortably scruffy" It must have been DIRE for him to notice!
15. What is the worst thing you have ever done?
Left my daughter in hospital overnight when she was ill because I knew there was a chance she would have a heart attack during the night and I couldn't face it. She DIDN'T know, and wanted me to stay with her. 16 years on I still feel bad about it. - Oh, and when I was three I filled my little brother's mouth with stones to stop him crying.

So tell me why I have been TOTALLY HONEST here? And I'm going to put this online so the whole world can see it. . . BLOGGERS ARE NUTS!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Just a few doodles. . .

Doodling has become something of an obsession in the World of Scrap recently. Kirsty Wiseman issued a challenge to us to scrap ourselves, with doodles! The response was overwhelming, and the doodling was FAB. Since then it has got everywhere. Advertisements, clothes, magazines. have a look and you'll see the "flowers and doodles" theme wherever you go. I did this page for Kirsty's challenge. Bit of a cheat really, as the centres of the flowers LOOK hand-drawn, but are actually cut out of black and white patterned paper.



Recently Elsie Flanigan posted a full page of doodles she did on a recent flight, my DD (Dear Daughter) Beth pinched Elsie's idea and ran with it. Now I've had a play. This is MUCH more structured that the "done in 2 hours" one on Elsie's blog, but I had such fun with it. Anyone spot my trademark Nelliephant??

Oh, and it is a VERY late submission for the WISH dare on "Everyone is Speshal" an inspirational site with some of the UK's bestest talent on it


On another note I have FINALLY got an appointment date for my next CT scan. Until now the paperwork has always arrived almost as soon as I have had the previous consultant's appointment - except for the occasion when they made the booking, but didn't tell me when it was. The psychic school of healthcare! Anyway, no paperwork this time, so I rang them, only to be told they'd let me know "nearer the time" Given that they need 10-14 days to process the results 3rd August is getting quite near. Panic over, I go NEXT Thursday. My stomach is already churning at the thought. The scan itself isn't a problem. The machine is like a giant sqare Polo mint with a hole in the middle and the couch goes back and forward through the hole. The middle bit looks and sounds a bit like a huge washing machine, revolving around you. It isn't claustrophobic, and it isn't hot (only because the COMPUTERS have to be kept cool, the sick people can freeze to death!!) I don't even have any problem with the iodine injection they give you, though I know some people get a hot flush. It's the BARIUM!! Oh YUK. I get a litre of this white gloppy stuff an hour before the scan and I have to sip it slowly over the hour. It is usually cold, white, tasteless and JUST AWFUL. Every time I think "It won't be THAT bad" I take ONE sip and it is. It makes me feel so queasy I get anxious about lying in the machine. Last time i was there the lady next to me got a half-litre to drink. I just said "I'm sicker than you, then!" Stuff can also have a very unfortunate effect on the internal workings (or NOT workings) of Jan, but I'm not sure you want to know that.

AnywaY, I'll get the results at the beginning of August. Last lot threw me a bit, because we had got used to the "stable - no change" verdict and the "a bit worse, but we can't tell how fast it's getting worse til the NEXT scan" was a bit scary. This IS the next scan, so we will find out how fast things are deteriorating. I still don't have any appreciable symptoms, so I'm not writing my will yet. . .