Dire Warning!!

Went away for the weekend to celebrate the joint Gemini birthdays of myself and my mate, Lynn. We decided to go to Rye in East Sussex as we are both Mapp and Lucia aficionados and fancied swanning around town with our shopping baskets. Very busy place, Rye, and we had a bit of trouble finding anywhere to stay. In the end Lynn found Simmons of the Mint, which was our big mistake. It LOOKED fine, Four stars/diamonds from the RAC and the tourist board.

There was no indication online that the owners do not live on site. In fact there is no-one on site, and the emergency number we were given went straight to voicemail. We needed to telephone them, because, for some reason, they were running their central heating! We didin't notice this until we came back from dinner at about 10.30pm and the heat inside hit us in the face. Normally one would just turn the radiators off. Normally one would have the knobs on the radiators to allow them to be turned off. Not so!! It got to the pitch that we were going to pack up and find somewhere else to stay when they finally switched off at 11.30pm. On again at 6am though!

It cooled down a bit, but we did have our window wide open. Mistake number two. The MInt. Noisy, rowdy chav pub with yelling, screaming and breaking glass until about 1.30 am. That was Friday night. Saturday late afternoon there was a full-scale brawl in the road with one bloke having his face pushed through the window of a shop just up the road. When we went out to dinner there was blood all over the place. When we came back it was broken glass in our doorway and lads having piggy-back fights outside the pub. Bear in mind the road is only about 10 feet wide and all this sounds as though it is in bed with us!!

Bed and breakfast we paid for. The bedlinen didn't fit, and I had to re-make our bed coz when I turned back the covers it looked as though someone had already slept in it. (It did smell OK!). The tea-tray wasn't good enough - no sugar, not enough milk. No water glasses provided. no towel=rail for damp towels. TV remote didn't work. Bear in mind we are talking FOUR STAR here!! No ensuite, and the shower-room door had recently been replaced, but not painted!

Breakfast was supposed to be served at 9am. We arrived downstairs at 9.05, just as a rather grubby and dishevelled waitress arrived at work. The tables had not been laid. Fresh fruit; tho' the pineapple was on the way out. One small packet of corn-flakes (which was left open on the side from Saturday breakfast to Sunday). One empty jar of marmalade, which was grudgingly refilled, one nearly empty and rather sticky bottle of ketchup. One jug of orange juice. Cutlery in a tray on the floor. Cooked breakfast was as advertised, but arrived at 9.45 Toast flat on a plate and stone cold.

We asked the girl who cooked the breakfast what we could do about the heating. She told us the owners were away for the weekend, and she didn't know what to do. In the end her partner just unplugged the pump, which stopped the radiators getting hot. We know that the owners were made aware of our problems. but they just didn't give a toss. Happy to take our money though. So, be warned Simmons of the Mint, Rye, East Sussex. Don't go there!!

If you DO go to Rye you should definitely go to The Fish Cafe in Tower Street and to Hayden's Coffee Shop in the High Street. Hayden's does accommodation, too!!

Next year I may stay home!